sometimes, i dont know why i exist

What I’m about to say is the honest truth and I realize that it might not win me any new friends, but…I would be lying if I said I never wished Santanu had chosen a different career that earned more money and we had houses in different cities. I would be lying if I said I never got jealous of all my stay-at-home mom friends because the choice to stay home or work was never mine to make. I would be lying if I never said that sometimes I felt it was unfair that the burden of lifting our family out of a paycheck-to-paycheck existence always fell on me.Jealousy is shameful, I know. Feeling resentful can be just as bad, which is why I have admitted this to only a few close people who get me, but I have felt all of these things when I felt pressured to earn more money. I felt it when I was stressed, depressed, crying and paralyzed. I do'nt remember the last time i was hugged by him or we asked each other how we were.